Evangeline Lilly admits to having a 'rough year', says she hid it because she 'didn’t want to be a dark cloud'
Evangeline Lilly is opening up about the rough year that she had. The actress revealed that the past year had been difficult for her but she decided to stay tight-lipped about it as she wanted to bring nothing but joy in the lives of her fans. However, she finally took the courage to let people see when she was the most vulnerable and opened up about how difficult things were for her in the past.
"I had such a rough year last year but I didn’t want to share all of it with you because I didn’t want to be a dark cloud in your world. All I’ve ever wanted to do was put joy in the world," she said. 'The Ant-Man and The Wasp' star hinted that most of the time she was pretending to be the person that everyone wanted her to be and this often put her in a spot where she didn't want to be.
"To add sunshine. I didn’t want you to be having a perfectly good day and then have my post make you sad. But I struggle deeply with feeling that all I ever am is what I feel everyone else wants and needs me to be. I often feel alone and unseen," she wrote on her social media account along with a picture of herself where she looked gloomy.
"I have always known I was strong. Strong enough, I believed, to hold all my pain and everyone else’s also. So I kept it all inside, kept it to myself, and made space in there to hold your pain, too. Publicly, I hid and made light of my deepest traumas and laughed in the face of my most profound pain," she continued.
Lilly revealed that last year was the breaking point for her. "Until, last year, I broke. Suddenly I was forced to face my weakness and my limitations, my trauma, and my fears. I was left with no choice but to accept that I am limited or...carry on down a road of perfectionist denial that would inevitably kill me," she said.
Despite the problems, the actress revealed that she is trying to find strength one day at a time. "I am coming out of that deep place, slowly. As I start to breathe the fresh air, as I start to find my new, limited footing, I feel disconnected from you. I feel it’s pointless to share the light when you don’t know my darkness. I feel lost and apart," she wrote.
She concluded her post by asking her followers whether or not they would have “wanted to come along in my darkness had I shared it?”
Reading the post fans came out in support of the actress. "You & we are so grateful to have you in our lives. The world’s a better, more brilliant place we all of you (both your darkness & your light)," one wrote.
Responding to her last line on the post, a fan wrote: "I find it really courageous to talk about this it hurts especially inside me too I lived a dark moment and I also keep it for myself and now that I am better I would have liked to talk about it and I would have liked to have outside opinions and i don't know anything about anyone and i'm no one to judge but what i'm sure is that i like helping people so yes i would have followed you."
Another added, "Your vulnerability is what makes you strongest. Here for it ALL beautiful one. What you go through, you grow through. Love u."