About Us Contact Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Accuracy & Fairness Corrections & Clarifications Ethics Code Your Ad Choices
© MEAWW All rights reserved

"I just remember hearing this woman screaming, and I realized it was me": Amanda Holden opens up about her stillborn son Theo

Amanda Holden decided to come forward and open up about her horrific loss in her recent interview to mark the 70th birthday of the NHS.
UPDATED FEB 21, 2020
Amanda Holden  (Sources:Getty Images)
Amanda Holden (Sources:Getty Images)

To mark the 70th birthday of the National Health Service, Britain's Got Talent judge Amanda Holden decided to open up about one of the most heartbreaking moments in her life- the time she held her stillborn baby boy. The tragic incident took place just a year after she miscarried another baby. 

"I just remember hearing this woman just screaming and screaming and then it was actually — it was me, I realized it was me that was screaming," she said in a video obtained by The Sun. "It was the most surreal, out-of-body experience and I was actually calling my daughter’s name because I was just terrified about what to tell Lexi at the time.” Recalling the last few moments with her son, she said,  "He looked so normal and so peaceful. I held him in my arms and I said goodbye, basically."

While the moment shook Amanda, she was able to get through it with the help of the medical staff behind her. "But I couldn’t have done it without the incredible team around us. My husband was so strong and so amazing but they got him through it too," she said. "And then the days and months afterward, the same team of people checked on us every single day and it’s not because I’m off the telly or famous or anything like that. 

"She continued, "I believe they’d have extended that care to any woman, any family, in my situation.” Amanda got married to record producer Chris Hughes in 2008. She and Chris have daughters Lexi, 12 and Hollie, 6. "I’ll literally do anything for the National Health Service because they got me through it, they got Chris through it and I now thankfully have two healthy girls and a little boy who is still part of the family but just not here," she said.

She went on to confess that the days after the incident were not easy. "It was horrific in the months after Theo," she said. “My husband was frightened of having another child, he never wanted to see me go through that pain again — and himself. But I knew in order to carry on and live life, I had to have a baby and I was lucky enough to have the choice and be able to have another one.”

In 2011, Amanda got pregnant with Hollie. “I never dreamt it would happen so quickly, so we both decided that we would try not to think about it until I reached the 12-week mark," she said. “Now that we have and I know that everything’s fine — you have no idea how many scans I’ve had — I feel like we can really enjoy it.” Despite this, there were times when fear sneaked in on her thoughts. 

“I’d be on the phone saying, ‘My baby’s not going to die, is it? This baby’s not going to die?’” she said. In 2012, she welcomed Hollie but the sweet moment soon turned into a nightmare when Amanda started losing a lot of blood. “They delivered Hollie and we heard her cry. Chris was like, ‘She’s beautiful, she’s amazing’" she said. "Then all of a sudden, my husband said he looked down and he was ankle deep in my blood.” 

She continued, “It just would not clot. I lost about 13 to 15 liters of it all in all. “For seven minutes Chris didn’t know if I was alive or dead. They literally ran out of my blood group in London. They had them on mopeds coming from everywhere with it.” She slipped into a coma for three days but after she opened, she couldn't have been happier to come out if it and lay eyes on her beautiful daughter and family.