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Alicia Keys on her struggles with self-doubt, finding her purpose: 'I'm done with swallowing and holding back'

Even for someone like Keys, dealing with self-doubt is a very real experience. The singer opened up about her difficult childhood as well as her sudden rise to fame and all the problems that came with it
PUBLISHED MAR 23, 2020
Alicia Keys (Getty Images)
Alicia Keys (Getty Images)

Alicia Keys is a brand and an empire all on her own. Since her musical beginnings in 1996, the 15-time Grammy award-winner has gone on to become one of America's best-selling artists with over 17.8 million albums and 21.9 million digital songs sold in the US and over 30 million albums sold worldwide. She is one of the most successful R&B artists of the decade, and that's not even touching the surface of the singer-songwriter's accomplishments and accolades.

And yet, even for someone like Keys, dealing with self-doubt is a very real experience.

In an interview with CBS correspondent Tracy Smith for 'CBS News Sunday Morning', Keys opened up about her journey to finding purpose and discovering who she really was. Her book titled 'More Myself: A Journey', as well as her upcoming album 'Alicia', are both extensions of this process of self-reflection. They touch on everything from coming to terms with her complicated relationship with her father, the early days of her career that was wrought with people-pleasing, the loss of privacy around her relationships, as well as the expectations of perfection placed on women.

For Keys, however, this journey did not come easy. She says it was a struggle: "I think the craziest part is that I didn't know that I didn't know myself." Dealing with this struggle over the past few years, the 39-year-old mother of two found herself building a journal of self-discovery, one that would morph into 'More Myself: A Journey'.

The book begins with Keys speaking about her mother Terry Augello who, as a single paralegal, found herself pregnant with the child of flight attendant Craig Cook. Augello, Keys says, considered getting an abortion. "She was making a really big choice. And at the time, I'm sure she didn't even know why she was making that choice exactly. But she knew it. She knew what she needed to do," says Keys.

Augello's choice, despite struggling financially and living in one of New York City's toughest and most dangerous neighborhoods - Hell's Kitchen - was to have and raise her daughter alone. Speaking about her mother Keys said, "She raised a girl in the middle of Hell's Kitchen, which looked like it sounds, you know...Hard, dangerous, difficult, scary." Keys continued, "I can't even imagine, as a mother today, me sending my kid off into those streets. But if you had to, I mean, what's she gonna do? She had to go to work, I had to go to school. We had to live. That's how it is." She added, "I am so grateful to her for choosing me. And I really appreciate her."

Alicia Keys performs onstage during the 61st Annual GRAMMY Awards at Staples Center on February 10, 2019 in Los Angeles, California (Getty Images)

Augello was tough on Keys, who says she definitely didn't appreciate that at the time. But it was Augello's 'tough love' style of parenting that made sure Keys stayed on track to becoming who she is today.

The singer graduated high school as valedictorian and was offered a scholarship to Columbia University as well as a contract with Columbia Records. She chose music and penned the smash-hit 'Fallin' not long after. Speaking about the process of writing the song, Keys said she was "looking for that one song that would raise the hair on your arms."

The song brought Keys an unprecedented amount of fame. But with it came its own set of problems, including, for Keys, the need to people-please. "You start to think that you have to do everything that you can possibly do to make sure that these doors remain open for you," she says, adding, "You think you're happy, 'cause right, that's what you were here working for...It's, like, 'Oh, man, this is actually happenin', this is great! I'm so happy!' And then I think, little by little, you start to see how you are maybe going too hard. Maybe you start to see that you're not getting enough sleep. You're just constantly ignoring your own feelings, your own emotions, your own intuition, your own instinct." But Keys says she has since learned to be more conscious of her own needs.

"I have to remind myself even today that, you know, you are valuable. You're important. And you have to take care of yourself," the singer shared, adding, "At this point, I've created a habit that I have to remind myself, 'Hey, hey, guess what? You should go sit on that couch, you should just relax,' because that is just as valuable as all of the work."

Keys' journey sees her go from allowing her world to crush her spirit to thriving and acknowledging her own worth.  "I think that this idea of being even more accepting of just how I am, as I am...Like, I might be in a really s****y mood,...But I can be there.  I'm good. It's okay, because you know, I think that we do this thing where we swallow our truth, and we don't let it out. So, I'm finished with that...I'm done with the swallowing and the holding back and the excusing and all of that. And just being."

With 'More Myself: A Journey' and 'Alicia' Keys gets vulnerable and raw and while this serves as her catharsis and her healing, it also serves to empower and uplift others to find their own truth and embrace who they are. 

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