'Teen Mom 2' star Leah Messer says she nearly ended her life as her daughter battled muscular dystrophy
'Teen Mom 2' star Leah Messer recently opened up about wanting to end her own life after one of her three daughters was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. Messer has penned a memoir, titled 'Hope, Grace & Faith', which is slated to be released on May 5. In the memoir, she reveals that she once considered driving her car off the cliff in her hometown of West Virginia.
Messer is a mother of three daughters, including 10-year-old twins Aliannah and Aleeah with ex-husband Corey Simms and seven-year-old Adalynn from ex-husband Jeremy Calvert. In an excerpt shared with a publication, she reveals daunting details about this ordeal that she had to face as a parent and the difficulties that came along when she saw her daughter battle a critical health condition.
Messer was too sad with the discovery and would constantly ask herself as to why would something like this happen to Aliannah, according to the Us Magazine. "When I think about Ali, I just want to know why this is happening to her. She is so sweet and innocent. She deserves to have the same future as her sisters," wrote Leah who was worried that Aliannah won't have the same life as her twin Aleeah and her half-sister Adalynn.
The prospect of Aliannah not being able to do things that kids of her age would normally do, running along a beach, doing cartwheels or climbing a tree, for instance, weighed heavy on her heart. "I want to scream at the world that it isn't fair. I would never wish what Ali has on another child, but why her? Why did she have to be born into a body that won't have the strength to run along the beach, do a cartwheel, or climb a tree?" wrote Messer whose health was impacted tremendously after this tragic diagnosis.
"I'm so sad and angry all the time I can barely eat … or sleep … or breathe," she wrote in the book, "I feel like I'm suffocating. When I close my eyes at night, the voice in my head gets stuck in an endless loop". All the fatigue and sad thoughts left Messer wondering if Aliannah's ailment was because of bad karma. She began questioning her deeds over the years and wondered if it was all her fault and if she was doing enough to get Aliannah the help she needed. She also wondered if she even deserved to be her mother and the thought of her girls doing better without her was not lost on her.
Messer further wrote that one night when she was in her own company, she got behind the wheel of her vehicle and came close to taking her own life. "I press my foot down on the gas and watch as the needle on the speedometer goes from 80 … to 90 … to 110 mph. It's dark and there's no one else on road. I've driven down this stretch of Mink Shoals Hill a thousand times. There's a steep cliff off the side of the road just up ahead. It would be so easy to drive my car over the edge. Then it would all be over. No more worries. No more failure. No more pain." writes Leah.
Thankfully Messer was able to have a much needed emotional release instead of veering into the face of tragedy. "Instead, I slow down and pull over to the side of the road," she wrote. "I turn off the engine and put my head down on the steering wheel. A lifetime of tears comes pouring out of the deepest part of my soul."
She said she knew it would be selfish to abandon her daughters and that she is all they have and that she needed to be stronger for them and focus on being the mother that all three of her daughters deserved.