'The Bachelor' is using a 90s trend to bond its contestants to Peter Weber, should you follow suit?
From Sydney Hightower's bullying story to Kelsey's family issues, the show has implied that these stories help the couple bond better but is it really okay to ram in all that baggage right off the bat?
Right from the time model and pageant girl, Victoria Paul revealed that she had a pretty harsh past, we've seen this season of 'The Bachelor' riddled with stories of past trauma.
From Sydney Hightower's bullying story to Kelsey's family issues, the show has implied that these stories help the couple bond better but is it really okay to ram in all that baggage right off the bat? Clever editing or not (Sydney's claims that she never got to go to prom has been debunked by fans), it does appear that the contestants really believe that sharing their past is a way to secure their future with lead Peter Weber. But is it healthy and should you follow suit in real life?
We asked a relationship expert to explain.
"In real life, I wouldn't suggest this," said New York-based relationship expert Susan Winter, confirming that it isn't the brightest idea to go an emotional vomit session. "The first date isn't the time to unload a litany of emotional and psychological baggage. Though it may look like 'sharing,' it's actually a self-indulgent form of false depth."
This season has probably been slammed more than any other season of the very successful show in a while and one of the biggest reasons is its need to make it appear "genuine and real". It is, of course, a tried and tested formula and has worked for this show and its counterpart 'The Bachelorette'. However, this strategy has fallen short this season. It could be because this approach to relationship bonding is quite outdated.
Calling it a very 90's trend, she said, "It was a trend in the 1990s to reveal ALL on the first date; drug addiction, alcoholism, sexual molestation, etc. The thought was that 'the better you know my wounds, the more closely we'll bond.' Too much, too soon, is dangerous." The testament to this is the fact that there have been barely any couples out of Bachelor Nation who have actually found a forever love in the person who gets the last rose.
So what do you do then, just not talk about it at all? Because everyone has a backstory and some people do have enormous hardships. And of course, you have to get to know each other on more than just a superficial level. Just relax and roll with it, she says and don't blab without thinking.
"Assessing the appropriate pace to reveal deeply personal information requires diplomacy and tact. You don't want to hide the truth from your partner, but you also don't want to scare them off," advised Winter, "The revelation of these hardships should be organic and flow In a natural sense that acknowledges pace, timing, and appropriateness." Clearly it works to spice up a show, but your life, not so much.