A letter to myself when I become a mother
Truth is I am not exactly sure what it takes to be you?
To myself when I become a mother,
I must admit right now - when I am 23 years and 3 days old, the thought of becoming you - a mother - makes my knees wobble. I don't think I am ready and mature enough to play the role of a fairy godmother with a swishing wand for somebody else. And so congratulations for having finally achieved the role I've always looked up to but never thought I could become. I've always wondered what it is like to be you, to hold a little being that has been formed entirely with your love and care.
Truth is I am not exactly sure what it takes to be you? But from my own mother and all those many other mothers I have had the pleasure of meeting and speaking with - I am guessing most importantly it takes gloves full of unconditional love which when supplemented by a car full of care, a hospital worth of patience, a mat overflowing with maturity, and a nation's cry for security can make you ready to take on the world and mould a child.
Is it a wonderful feeling to be able to love so unreservedly a being you've never seen before? I hope you are able to accept them as much as I crave to be accepted right now - wholly and just as I am. No matter if he is a boy who loves blue more than pink, cars more than dolls, wants to become a boxer more than a teacher, loves girls more than boys, or if she's a girl who also loves blue more than pink, cars more than dolls, wants to become a become a boxer more than a teacher and loves girls more than boys. I would want you to detach yourself from illogical stereotypes and strive to become large-hearted, accepting and expectation-less. I think then the world would need more of you.
My mother always taught me all that she knew, gave me all that she had, and held me for as long as she could, and I would like you to do the same. I hope you have become an ocean of endearment one that flows endlessly and keeps coming back in the blink of an eye to kiss the shore - just one more time. I hope you have become a tree of knowledge, one that has roots as deep with humility as branches high with the desire to grow, leaves as wide and open-minded as the trunk engraved with the circles of age and wisdom. I hope you have become as forgiving as the earth which feeds you even while you parade on it. I hope you have become satisfied like a desert that has just received rain. If you have, then you will have become the woman I want to become and a mother.
Once you have the starry-eyed child stare back at you with a toothless grin, learn. Learn a lot from him or her or however, they want to be identified. Learn and know that you can't give them a garden full of primroses always because life is not that - life is two buckets of band-aids and smiles both filled to the brim. Learn that you don't need money to make their day, a hug and a kiss can and always will mean pouring a mug of smiles in its bucket. Know that it is up to you to teach them that it is important to be wiser than intelligent, braver than strong and more beautiful than pretty.
Lastly, teach them how to use a mirror wisely by having them stand in front of it and imagine every word they said printed on their bodies. Tell them that the words they say make them beautiful and not how long their eyelashes are. Give them a magnifying glass and a thinking cap tell them to wear the cap always and look through the magnifying glass often to know how extraordinary even the most ordinary things can be. Open up a box of colors in front of them and show them that between the white and black crayons lie several hues and so does every instance in life. Buy them a book and tell them that it's their passport.
Make them bite into a chocolate and then into some rocket leaves and tell them that's how life is - sometimes sweet and sometimes sour. Hold up their hands and tell them to only use them to work and embrace and never to destroy or hurt. Make them meet a neighbor of the opposite sex and tell them that they're as much your child as they are and so they must give every boy and girl the respect a sibling would deserve. Surprise them with a pet in a basket and tell them to give the same love to every four and more legged animal.
Give them some golden shiny coins in their right hand and some plant seeds in their left and whisper them a secret that no one knows - "looks are deceiving, your left hand will always be more rewarding than your right." Give them a bright red watering can and show them why. Give them a globe and give them some glow in the dark paint in a bottle labeled "peace" and tell them that's the only paint the world needs.
Still a daughter,
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