6 rules to break for a happier relationship with your partner
Enough said about rules to follow & things to say and do to make your relationship work. Here are a few golden rules that you ought to break for a happier and more fulfilling relationship.
Everyone has their two cents to add to what makes a relationship work: what to say, what to do, what not to say, what not to do, what to avoid, what to never miss, and what rules to follow to keep things going. Here's a list of rules to BREAK to make your relationship happy and worth the journey. While these might seem antagonistic and almost insensitive, couples in long-term relationships stress the importance of putting yourself first for your relationship to be fulfilling.
1. Be selfless NOT
Emotional boundaries: It's okay for partners to be in different moods. You can be compassionate, but if you've had an exhausting day, taking care of yourself is paramount. This comes before you take care of your beloved. Compassion isn't the same as enmeshing with others' emotions.
If you're celebrating a personal victory, your partner's lousy day need not drain your spirit. Similarly, if you are feeling low, do not expect your partner to stop being cheerful and mop around with you. You can be kind and sensitive, yet hold onto your joy or sorrow without forcing the other to partake in it.
2. Put others first NOT
Physical boundaries: Be aware of your sexual rhythm. How frequent is too frequent? How much time, play, and romance do you need to get into the mood? What sort of foreplay do you prefer? Again, become aware of these and use "I" statements to express your preferences and to voice those that things that make you uncomfortable. The same goes for respecting your partner's preference. It's great to want to try something completely new; just ask them first.
- I love when you do that. Tickles turn me on.
- I don't enjoy being spanked right at the beginning.
- That was fun last time, but I don't feel like it today. Can we try this instead?
- Do you think we can try this today?
- Are you sure you want to go ahead with this?
3. Do unto yourself what you want from others
Take time out: Nothing refreshes a relationship like the time spent alone away from each other. It helps you get in touch with who you are beyond the role of a partner. Indulge in hobbies, find time for things that make you laugh and enlivens you. Pursue pleasure.
Paint, travel, take a class, try a new dish, go trekking, make a new friend, and catch up with old ones. Be in touch with the person you were before you entered this relationship. It is this person your partner fell in love with, not the person you molded yourself into to fit their expectations of you.
4. Do NOT share
Belongings: You might enjoy sharing clothes, but not towels. You may not want your journal or phone to be meddled with. You might have a favorite mug, a gift from your grandma, that you use with extra caution. If physical objects have special meaning for you, it's okay to voice them and take care of them.
It's okay to NOT share material things. This is better than hurling angry abuses at each other for being careless after something goes missing or gets broken.
5. Somethings are NOT better left unsaid
Digital boundaries: These questions, however awkward, lead to healthy discussions and lesser resentment. Some questions are for yourself to reflect over and some for your partner to answer honestly.
- Would you like to be checked on by your partner when you are away?
- Is it okay to post or comment on your relationship on social media?
- What about sharing pictures of you both together?
- Here's a big one: What about being online friends with an ex?
- Is it okay to follow each other's friends on social media?
The more you get these things out of the way through an honest conversation, the more aligned are your personal and social boundaries.
6. Be compassionate, self-compassionate
Women tend to be more self-critical than men in relationships. Before you sign up to be eternally considerate, kind and understanding with your partner and give your relationship the "love and patience it deserves", be considerate, kind and understanding with yourself. Put your feelings first. This means to be aware of what you feel, knowing your inner YESes and NOs, being true with how you feel, what you want, and being authentic in voicing it.
This also means knowing what your deal-breakers are and what you are okay to be flexible about. Self-compassion makes you human. It makes you see yourself in all your strengths and weaknesses and gives you the courage to own your truth without being apologetic about it. This makes you a more real companion that your partner can rely on.
If you have any views or stories that you would like to share with us, drop us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org