9 signs you are lying to yourself in your relationship

9 signs you are lying to yourself in your relationship

Have you ever had that odd, unsettling feeling when you sense something isn’t going right? How often do you brush that aside and pretend that everything is OK when it isn’t? Read on to know the 9 tell-tale signs that you are being dishonest with yourself about a relationship.

1. You are anxious all the time.

If you are nervous and unsure of yourself around your partner, it’s the first sign that something is off. This isn’t like the initial rush of nervous energy you feel at the start of a relationship. This feels like you're walking on egg shells, constantly on guard against triggers that could turn a pleasant day into a nightmare. You even find yourself rehearsing lines before you broach a topic to avoid strong reactions.

2. You justify your partner’s actions

It is natural for you to feel upset when your partner has done something that hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally. If you shift your focus away from how you feel to why you think your partner did what he/she did and find reasons to justify it, then there is an imbalance in the dynamics. You might want to ask yourself why you rush to defend them when it is you who is hurt.

3. Your old self seems like a stranger

Who you were and the values you held now seem like a thing of the past. If you constantly put your needs and interest last to an extent that you've lost touch with what makes you feel whole and happy from within, you might be being lying to yourself. Understand that this doesn't happen only in abusive or unhealthy relationships. Your partner might be kind and understanding, but you could still have unconsciously moulded yourself into a person that you believe your partner would appreciate better.


4. You snooze your inner alarm

Remember that odd, unsettling feeling you sense in your gut when something isn't right? It isn't just folk wisdom to listen to it. Our brain's response to danger is to release a rush of chemicals that prep us for fight or flight. Major neurotransmitters, including serotonin and dopamine, are produced in the gut. Since survival was the biggest challenge in the course of evolution, your gut reactions are more primitive and immediate to impeding danger than the brain. Next time your instinct tells you someone is lying or you shouldn’t be doing something or going somewhere, listen to it.


5. You second guess yourself and often feel guilty

If you constantly wonder whether you said or did the right thing, beat yourself over for a small slip, and think about how best you can measure up to your partner, you need to be objective about your situation. Taking on the emotional baggage of acting the perfect way so that your partner is always satisfied is draining and unhealthy in the long run. Remember, how a person feels is a reflection of how they choose to react to you and is not caused by what you do or who you are. 


6. Your family/friends are worried.

If your well-meaning friends or family are worried about you, take the hint. While some might be blatantly honest and challenge the lies you tell yourself, others might show their concern by constantly checking on you and asking if everything is okay. This could be a clear sign that you are unlike your usual self and aren’t even aware of it.  It could be that you are with the wrong partner, or it could simply be that you are overcompensating or giving up your dreams or interests for your partner. Whatever maybe the situation, your loved ones can give you a perspective that you deny yourself.

7. Your confidence is dipping

If you feel your self-confidence has dipped during the course of a relationship, it is a critical warning signal to step back and take stock. Have you stopped believing in your ideas and voicing your opinions? Have there been instances when your self-image changed after a certain remark or reaction? Partners needn’t always agree with you, nor are they expected to hold back feedback. But repeated remarks or actions that make you doubt your abilities or self-worth shouldn’t be brushed aside. Nothing or no one is worth losing your self-respect. Period.


8. You don't feel joyful anymore.

Joy is our natural state of being. Not the jumping-out-of-bed and skipping-to-work joy, but an overall sense of wellbeing that comes with believing that life is good and that you deserve it. Every couple has a few off days; but for the most part, a healthy relationship will make you feel positive and give you a certain joy that comes with true companionship. If you have lost interest in your partner or grown indifferent, this joy will seem more like acquaintance or familiarity. Find a way to regain that initial connection or be honest about what you are willing to settle for.

9. You feel emotionally single

Being lonely is far worse when it is with someone right beside you. It takes self-awareness to detect if you are emotionally single in your relationship. Are you always the one to take big decisions, make amends, and put in the efforts for romance and intimacy? Do you often feel that you have a separate world within you that your partner just doesn't see even when you invite them to? Is it easy for you to say you’re okay when you’re not and your partner doesn’t see through the mask? All these are signals of emotional singlehood.

If you find yourself in any of these situations, it might help to take some time for yourself, reflect on your feelings and rethink what you want from your relationship. If facing the truth will make you take a drastic step, understand that anything that needs you to lie to yourself cannot give you what you truly want.

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