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NYPD lieutenant apologizes for kneeling with George Floyd protesters: 'Cop in me wants to kick my own a**'

Robert Cattani wrote the email to his colleagues just three dats after he knelt with protesters in Manhattan
UPDATED JUN 12, 2020
(Getty Images)
(Getty Images)

A New York Police Department lieutenant, Robert Cattani, apologized to his fellow officers for taking a knee alongside protesters, claiming he is ashamed to have done so. The 34-year-old officer of the Midtown South Precinct reportedly wrote an apology email to his colleagues on June 3, just three days after he knelt with the George Floyd protesters in Manhattan.

Cattani, in his apology, stated that "the cop in me wants to kick my own a**" and that he will be "shamed and humiliated for the rest of his life" for the decision he made. The officer added that ever since he knelt with the protesters, he has had difficulty sleeping and eating and that he had destroyed his efforts to be a "good cop" by "the decision to give into a crowd of protesters," the letter obtained by the New York Post stated.

The officer also attempted to justify his decision to kneel at the protest, saying he did so thinking it would prevent any violence at the protest. He added that he has since then thought about leaving the NYPD.

The 34-year-old, on May 31, was pictured among the four NYPD police officers who took a knee in front of protesters in Foley Square. Moments before he had taken a knee, thousands in the crowd had cried out for the police officers gathered there to do so as chants of "NYPD, take a knee" ensued. One protest at the demonstration was heard saying: "We just want to get home safely, same as you." 

NYPD officers block the exit of the Manhattan Bridge (Getty Images)

Videos of the incident showed that the protesters erupted in cheer as Cattani and three other officers knelt. Cattani was later heard saying by a reporter: "Only 4 of us kneeled. Like anything on social media, it's either going to make or break us." The officer, it appears, stepped back from his stance later and apologized to his fellow cops, claiming that he felt pressured into kneeling at the time to keep the peace. 

"The conditions prior to the decision to take a knee were very difficult as we were put center stage with the entire crowd chanting," Cattani wrote. "I know I made the wrong decision. We didn't know how the protesters would have reacted if we didn't and were attempting to reduce any extra violence. I thought maybe that one protester/rioters who saw it would later think twice about fighting or hurting a cop."

"I was wrong. At least that (was) what I told myself when we made that bad decision. I know that it was wrong and something I will be shamed and humiliated about for the rest of my life," he continued in the mail. "I would like to think that being up for almost 40 hours and walking 32 miles in two days might have clouded my judgment, yet still no excuse. I was here for the peaceful protests. I was there for the fights with the rioters at night. I walked, I fought, I bled, and I still kept showing up."

Cattani, in the mail, however, added that he did not agree with the actions of the former Minneapolis officers who were charged in George Floyd's murder. "We all know that a–hole in Minneapolis was wrong," Cattani wrote. "Yet we don't concede [sic] for other officers' mistakes. I do not place blame on anyone other than myself for not standing my ground," he continued, pointing that it "goes against every principle and value I stand for."

The officer said that he even thought of leaving the force after his actions. "I spent the first part of my career thriving to build a reputation of a good cop. I threw that all in the garbage on Sunday," he wrote. "I could not imagine the idea of ever coming back to work and putting on the uniform I so wrongly shamed. However, I decided that was the easy way out for me and I will continue to come to work every day being there for my personnel. So, from the bottom of my heart and soul, I am sorry and SHAMED."

"Since then I have been struggling with the decision I had made, not being able to eat or sleep. I at one point came to the rash decision to leave the department. I let you down. I understand your frustration and anger. I know the cop in me wants to kick my own a**. I want you all to know that I don't expect anyone to accept my apology, nor do I deserve it," he added. "Please know that just like the first half of my career I will work every day for the rest of it to rebuild the confidence you once had in me."

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