"You got a gun. Let's just end it right here": Caitlyn Jenner reveals how close she came to ending her own life amidst paparazzi pressure
Caitlyn spoke about how she was hounded by the paparazzi for years, and that she would often see pictures of her head photoshopped on to women's bodies for dramatic effect
Everyone has a low point in their lives when they think that nothing can be worse than their problems, and Caitlyn Jenner proved that she's no different to the feeling herself.
In a recent interview for Channel 4 News, the Olympic gold-medalist spoke about having suicidal thoughts and how she contemplated on almost ending her life, as reported by Mirror Online.
The 69-year-old, who is rumored to be engaged to her 47-years junior girlfriend Sophia Hutchins, has struggled all her life with her gender issues. The reality star identified herself as Bruce Jenner before she finally transitioned into Caitlyn Jenner in 2015.
Caitlyn even wrote her biography where she detailed the struggles which she faced all her life, and even revealed that she once thought about taking her own life in the book titled 'The Secrets Of My Life'.
She's shared the story again in order to raise public awareness over the massive number of trans death that happen every single year around the world.
She said, "One time in my life, I actually thought about it [suicide]. I'll never forget it. It was about six months before I came out, and I had a picture. I got, for years, before I actually - Diane Sawyer came out and told my story..."
"For years, I had all sorts of issues with the tabloids and the paparazzi coming up with every story you could possibly come up with," she continued.
Caitlyn Jenner opened up to Bill Simmons on Any Given Wednesday, saying she contemplated suicide at one point during her transition. After having an operation on her Adam's apple, a part of her body she "always hated," a paparazzo shot Jenner as she was leaving her doctor's office.
"I could not sleep that night. I'm up at 3 a.m. walking up and down my hallway, thinking, 'Damn, all this shit is going to come out tomorrow and it's going to be horrible," she said. "And I said, 'You know what? Easy way. Go in the other room. You got a gun. Let's just end it right here.'"
Caitlyn also spoke about how she would often see pictures of her head photoshopped on to women's bodies for dramatic effect.
She said that because of these horrible experiences, there was a point in time when she actually thought about ending her "pain".
"They put my head on women's bodies, they did this, I never talked to a soul. I would have four or five paparazzi cars following me everywhere I went taking pictures."
She continued, saying, "Well, I was in Beverly Hills and I came out a back entrance of a place and they got this picture of me getting into the car. And actually, I just had my tracheal shaved.
Early in the morning on a Sunday morning, I thought nobody was around. And I had a little bandage there."
However, her relief was short-lived, since she got a call from TMZ that night itself, saying they had a picture of hers with the bandage, and how it was the beginning of her transition, and so on. As soon as she realized that the picture was going to be out in the news sooner or later, she actually thought about shooting herself and getting rid of the pain and humiliation.
Caitlyn revealed, "I knew that that picture was coming out. And that night, I remember I couldn't sleep. And I'm walking up and down the halls in my house, all by myself.
And I'm thinking to myself, 'You know what? I've got a gun in the other room. I could go in, use it, no more pain, move on.'"
"It seemed like the easy way out. And then, obviously, I didn't go it. I tried to get some sleep. The next day I get up and I went for a walk and I'm walking through this field all by my little lonesome out in the woods. And I'm walking through this field and I'm thinking to myself, 'Wasn't that like the stupidest thing you could possibly do?'"
Fortunately for Caitlyn, her small decision to go back from that point and reflect on her actions has made all the difference to her life and the way she lives it. "That was kind of my low-point in life. And from then on, I never thought about it again."
Thankfully, the reality star is now way past that low point in her life and is looking forward to happy beginnings all over again. She is rumored to be engaged to Sophia Hutchins, a 21-year-old transgender student and aspiring model from Malibu, California.
Although Caitlyn has always maintained that she's 'just friends' with Sophia, the couple is reportedly gearing up to get married at a small ceremony Caitlyn's Malibu home, where they apparently have been living together for some time now.