8 ways your mother totally ruined your life

If you always find yourself in the worst relationships ever, your mom may be the reason.

Sure, you'd like to think that you're a grown, independent adult. But here's the cold, hard truth: Whether we recognize it or not, your mom has a say in who you are, who you become and even who you date.

As much as you claim that you're not phased by what she thinks of you, the fact is you're influenced by mom more than you'd like to believe. Still, don't believe us? Here are just a few ways she's managed to ruin your life:

1. She's brainwashed you ever since you were a kid. No, really!

Researchers have found that the ability to love, trust and work through arguments is developed during infancy and can directly affect behavior in future relationships. If your mother was distant or emotionally cold to you when you were a baby, finding love will feel that much harder for you.

Even though these tendencies were developed before you could speak, that doesn't mean you can't overcome them.

2. She set up boundaries for you

We're naturally programmed to view the type of relationship that our parents had as the norm, so if your parents had a loving, trusting, long-lasting relationship, then you're in luck. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

With roughly half of the marriages ending in divorce, many more on the brink and others that are just downright dysfunctional, the majority of us are following examples that are less than stellar. Studies have shown that children from divorced families are much more likely to have marriages that end in divorce.

3. She loved you so much, now you are a dependent little man-child!

Your mother may have loved you till the point where she cleaned your room and did your laundry but as you leave your nest you realize how much that has made you into a helpless excuse of a man. You cannot do anything on your own and find yourself fumbling even while making the smallest decisions. 

Your house is a mess because you cannot clean and your life is a mess because you cannot decide what's best for you! You may be a grown-up with mortgages and a steady job -- but your mom still sees you as a toddler.

4. She taught you how women are to be treated

But isn't that a good thing? Here's the deal. We all grow up subconsciously wanting to be just like mom, so if she let herself be treated poorly, walked on, cheated on or generally disrespected, you'll find a partner who treats you the same.

Alternately, if she was overbearing and constantly berated your father, you'll fall for the meek, sheepish guy who lets you treat him the same way. 

Questions like "Shouldn't you skip dessert this time?" and "When are you going to find a nice guy and settle down?" are pretty much the norm. Moms have a way of making sure we know what our flaws are. Whether we want to admit it or not, her opinion matters to us and these become ingrained in who we believe we are.

These beliefs can have a detrimental effect on our self-esteem, which in turn has a very detrimental effect on our relationships.

6. She guilt trips you

Remember how your mom wouldn't let you have sugary cereal or watch TV? She is the same one who now loads your kids up with gummy worms and lets them stay up three hours past their bedtime and you can't tell her a dang thing. Why? Because she will guilt trip your existence to the ground.

7. She's well on her way to becoming monster-in-law

You know that saying, “If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all?" Well, your mom apparently never heard that. She keeps on with the snide remarks every now and then in front of every girl you bring home and things have gotten out of hand before. But she does it anyway. Hence, you are as single as they come.

8. Your self-image is down in the dumps, thanks to what she taught you

Your mother thinks she is perfect. She always had deniable put-downs for you growing up. She has had favorites in the family and always took credit for any of your successes. On the other side of the coin, if you are extremely insecure, it was probably because your mother treated herself like crap. She probably let herself be treated like one and you never knew better.

That doesn't mean you should blame your mother for how you behave today or for the choices you make. But knowing what may have made you into the person that you are can help you make positive changes in your life. 

It's important to remember that your mom is only human. Just like all of us.

If you have any views or stories that you would like to share with us, drop us an email at writetous@meawwworld.com

About Author

Priyam Chhetri


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