We all have friends and most of us have lovers. The dynamics between us, when we speak to a friend and when we speak to a lover, vary widely and there are quite distinct differences between the two. While a lover may end up a friend and a friend may end up a lover as well, but as far as the individual relationships are concerned, these 6 differences separate the one from the other.
#1 The conversations
A conversation with a friend happens on an individual level. You are either talking about yourself or talking about the friend. It is one persona at a time and both the parties understand that they need to give time for each to speak about their individual lives.
A conversation between lovers is done on a together-level. The conversation revolves around 'us' and 'we'. The couple usually doesn't think in singularity and as they see a future together, they speak in plural terms.
#2 Reasons for jealousy
A friend may get jealous if your attention is diverted from them while you talk to them. You may not have talked to a friend for years but the comfort level still remains when you meet them after a long time. The jealousy, here, is also not that serious and not really of great consequence.
Jealousy between lovers arises when either fails to fulfill their commitments towards the other. Lovers really feel the need to be in touch as they are the closest people and any distance may lead to seeds of jealousy being sown. Jealousy in a relationship is highly consequential and can lead to heartburns and breakups.
#3 The number
One can have as many friends as they like. The friends, too, can be of different kinds and from different backgrounds. There can be a drinking buddy and a study friend and so much more. The variety and number depend completely on the person.
But there cannot be more than one lover. Any more than one means infidelity and that is not what a relationship is about. Also, a lover can be a friend but the intimacy between the lovers far exceeds the one between friends.
#4 Who gets your affection
Friends can show affection to anyone and it would not be a problem. Even best friends can show different degrees of affection to other friends and it won't matter. Friends do need each other's affection but they may not be that needy for it.
A lover would, on the other hand, need special affection. The position of a lover in life is slightly elevated over a friend's and they would not be wrong in seeking special privileges when it comes to your time. This is what relationships are built on, to treat your lover uniquely.
A friend would never ask you to make a compromise and you can be exactly the way you want to be in front of them. Friends are not required to change their attitudes or behavior to be with each other as they do not spend that much time together.
Lovers, however, need to adjust to each other's pace. They need to do some compromises (however slight) so that they could make the relationship work. These adjustments are not meant to change the person but are made in order to have a life in sync with your partner and both the partners usually go with the change.
Friends may not mind that much if you forgot their birthdays. They may not care that much if you ditched them when you were supposed to meet them. They usually do not bother us when it comes to such trivial things in life.
Relationships, however, are based on doing the small things with great love. Lovers, therefore, are highly sensitive towards things like favorite color, birthdays, anniversaries etc. Yet again, the difference arises because lovers do have a greater position in our lives and if you wish to spend your lives together then there is no way around, being completely present for each other.
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